I've played the wild rover for many a year,
And I've spent all me money on whiskey and beer.
And now I'm returning with gold in great store,
And I will play the wild rover no never, no more.
Chorus: And it's no, nay, never (right up your kilt!)
No, nay, never, no more,
Will I play the wild rover,
No never, no more.
I went to Caledonia with my cousin Jock,
And somebody hit him on the head with a sock.
Now socks are quite soft and he couldn't give a hoot,
But this muthafucka was still in its boot.
Repeat Chorus
I went over to Erin with my cousin Jim,
And somebody threw a tomato at him.
Now tomatoes are soft and they don't break the skin,
But this muthafucka was still in the tin.
Repeat Chorus
I went to Estragalia with my cousin Matt,
And somebody gave him a pat on the back.
Now pats are quite gentle and he wouldn't be too miffed,
But this muthafucka pushed him over a cliff.
Repeat Chorus
I went to Aegyptus with my mummy in tow,
And all of the Jackals they wanted a blow.
So she opened a whorehouse with all of her daughters,
But these muthafucka's all had rigormoritis.
Repeat Chorus
I went to Teutonia with my cousin Hans,
And we went to the brothel with lots of good plans.
The whores had big tits and they really were quite nice,
But these muthafucka's were covered in lice.
Repeat Chorus (replace 'right up your kilt' with 'sew up your kilt')
I went up to Norsca with my best friend Sven,
And he introduced to me to his daughter Gwen.
Now Gwen was quite nice, but she really made me sick,
But this muthafucka had a fifteen inch dick.
Repeat Chorus (replace 'right up your kilt' with 'right up her kilt')
I went over to Albion with my cousin Josh,
And this dirty fucka he needed a wash.
Now washes are soothing and I really did hope,
That this muthafucka he won't drop the soap.
Repeat Chorus (replace 'right up your kilt' with 'soap on a roap')
I went over to Lyonese, with this bloke Don Juan,
And this dirty Lion he seemed a nice man.
Now Lions are liberal and know to have fun,
But this dirty fucker was shagging his mum.
Repeat Chorus
I went to the Underdark with my Matron Mum
And that kinky fucker she gargled with cum.
Now cum is quite salty and drips underneath,
But this stuff had bits in that stuck in her teeth.
Repeat Chorus
I went to the Scouts guild with my woggle on show,
And one of those buggers he stood on my toe.
Now scouts are quite sneaky and all dressed in black,
And this muthafucker stuck a knife in my back.
Repeat Chorus (replace 'right up your kilt' with 'thru from behind')
I went to the Dragons with lots of good plot,
Wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub wub.
Repeat Chorus
I went to the Bards guild with lots of good songs,
But those motherfuckers they thought we were wrong.
They played the same riff for about five fucking hours,
So we killed them.
Original verses
I went into an alehouse I used to frequent,
And I told the landlady me money was spent.
I asked her for credit, she answered me nay,
Such custom as yours I can have any day.
Repeat Chorus
I reached into me pocket, pulled out sovereigns bright,
And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight.
She said "I have whiskey and wines, all the best,
And the words that I spoke you were only in jest."
Repeat Chorus
I went home to me parents, confessed what I oughtta,
And asked them to pardon their prodigal daughter.
And as they caressed me as oft times before,
I promised to play the wild rover no never, no more.
Repeat Chorus
I'll go back to Jamaica and lie in the sun,
But I will play the part of the prodigal son.
And if my girl loves me, as oft' times before,
Then I will play the Wild Rover no never, no more.
